Y'all, I'm getting sick to death of people's malicious gossip about my darling Baby JJ. All I hear are whispered insults by dumb fucks who don't know better. Lately, I've been hearing them call him Baby Gay J, for example. Closet JJ. Jeremy Bumchum. JJ Jerkoff. Where the fuck do people get these ideas? Assholes. I know there have been 'incidents' and I would be lying if I said I hadn't had dounts, but everytime it turned out there was a perfectly reasonable explanation.

I want to put this shit to bed once and for all. JJ isn't gay, or even confused, and neither is his best buddy Juanita. I mean, Juan. I took this photo specially to prove that he is just as manly as any other young lad. What could be more masculine than sitting out in string vests on the veranda, drinking beer over candlelight with your best buddy? There's just fuck all gay about this photo at all. It's all about testosterone, manliness and stuff. You dumb fucks.

Love, hugs, kisses and a rabid lick,

PP

Some dumb fucks thought my questionairre to get a job at the Cackling Coyote School was a bit, like, mental. But that's just cause they're dumb fucks. Every question had a reason, and if they couldn't see it then obviously they weren't real teacher material. That's why I ended up firing their dumb asses. But seeing as everyone wants to know, here's what you should have been replying. Like question number one - do you believe in ghosts? If you answered no, they what use have I got for your dumb ass?

Of course there are fucking ghosts. You think when you saw me cackiling in the office, and sometimes just speaking out loud in corridors that I was just, like, speaking to myself and making myself laugh? Well, I am pretty interesting and funny, so maybe I can see why you dumb asses thought that. But no, I wasn't. I was just chatting to the spirits. It's far out. The psychiatrist says I've got voices in my head and I'm sick but what the fuck does that dumb ass know? 

Love, hugs, kisses and a rabid lick,

PP

Sweet Jesus my clam is playing up this morning. I could smell it the moment I lifted up the duvet. What the fuck? I washed it last week, just like I always do. Got a good splash of Clorox in there and rubbed it around. Just like my mam always taught me. And now it's belching out stench like that well is belching out oil. Time to get my little lady down the clap clinic I reckon. I'm just wondering who the culprit is. I mean the only possibilities are the students, but they're like, all too young to have any shit going on, right??

Love, hugs, kisses and a rabid lick, 

PP

These half bred degenerate dumb fuck Mexican kids. Every morning it's the same. This dumb assed tune starts up on the radio and they're all like, up from their seats, standing at attention, with one arm across the chest singing the words to this dumb song. What the fuck?! It's all in Spanish, probably, so I haven't got a clue what the fuck it is or what it's about. I just know it's dumb. Enough is enough. I'm not putting up with this shit in my school. From now on they're gonna be singing something more contemporary, or whatever it is. I wrote the new FLCSE and they're gonna learn it and sing it, or I'll have Baby JJ punish their asses! Hopefully not literally, like he did last year. Shit, that was a mess and a half. /but anyway, I wrote this myself. I'm just a regular fucking genius.

Our George, who art in Texas,

Hallowed be thy ranch.

Thy presidency come.

Thy will be done In Iraq as it is in Afghanistan.

Give us this day our daily debt,

And forgive us our bankruptcies,

As we forgive those who default against us,

And lead us not into liberalism,

But deliver us from Obama.

For thine is the White House,

And the power, and the glory,

For ever and ever.

Ah-george

Here it is, what the whole English teaching world has been waiting for. Seriously, the number of dumb fucks who have been trying to find out all about our super special, state of the art, cutting fucking edge English course - it's just been incredible. I'm flattered, really. Well here's the sneak preview of our patent pending, copyrighted all the way up the mayor's ass, the definitive English teaching course. 

It's based on the work of Noah Chompsky. I guess you need some background. This guy is just a fucking legend in language. Basically, he was a Russian porno star from the 90's or something, who got a whole load of fame when he did a gay flick where he accidentally bit off his co-star's cock. That's where he gets his name from. I found out all about this when I walked into Baby JJ's room and found him watching a video of a couple of muscle men pounding each other big time. Then he told me why he was watching it, and fuck me - unbelievable story! But it's all true, Baby JJ tells me.

Anyway, after that he couldn't get any more work in the east so he came to America. But problem was, he couldn't speak English, and none of the American sluts he had to screw could speak a word of Russian, so he had to come up with a way of communicating. He worked out this awesome dynamic, fluid, action packed language learning system. And that's where I got my inspiration from to develop the FLCSE Language Learning System.

You can see from the image below which is all part of our coursework, how it kinda works. You do the internationally recognized gestures, then speak it too, and next thing you know...the dumb fucks who enrolled on our course are speaking English!

For example:

Image 1 - "Pay us the tuition fees now, or we'll cut your fucking throat"

Image 2 - "Refunds are not available"

Image 5 - "Shut the door behind you because Baby JJ needs to get some work done"

Image 9 - "Baby JJ likes you, young man!"

Love, hugs, kisses and a rabid lick

PP

In your face, dumb fucks. The apple of my eye, the strawberry on my cheesecake, the crust that I excreted from my clam all those years ago has finally made it. All those years of studying up in his room with that young Jose boy has finally paid off. I'll admit, there were times when I had my doubts. Like when I went into his room and found him in Jose's pants examining his little general that one time. I knew there was an innocent explanation for it, and I was right. As usual. Today my little cherub finally brought home his certificate. He's a fucking scientist! A cock doctor, no less. Which frankly explains so much,

So next time I tell you that someone's got a mental unbalance brain memory disorder, you better shut the fuck up and listen, you dumb fucks! Because I am in the know. I just ask Baby JJ, and as far as I'm concerned this certificate means he's a fucking brain surgeon! I'm thinking of getting a degree certificate myself now, in fact. That should shut up the haters.

Love, kisses, hugs and a rabid lick,

PP

There's a million reasons why people pack their bags and head off to a new country to make a new life. Some people just wanna chill out for a year or two on a beach. Others live for arts and culture that they can't find at home. There's better money to be had for some people on foreign shores. We all got our own reasons. Mine? I'll tell you one of the things that makes it all worthwhile for me.

I love to wake up in the morning, and hear the birds tweeting in the trees, with blue skies above and el sol keeping things nice and warm. I love wandering out the front door, and into town, past all the local dumb fucks street vendors and kids playing in the street. I love sitting down on a bench in the town square, feeling the sun on my skin and a street dog licking my feet and getting out all the crust and shit from between my toes. Oh how it makes me giggle! Sometimes I can't stop and embarrass even myself with all the giggling! But seriously, there's just so many street dogs here, unfed and just queuing up to feast on my bunion infested tootsies. Heaven!

Love, kisses, hugs and a rabid lick,

PP

You know, from the beginning, I knew what I was doing, but would that dumb fuck Pablo and the drippy streak of piss of a son of mine listen? No, and now look where it's got us. Straight from the start, with the first important decision, they wouldn't listen. Call the school the Cackling Hyena School of Gibberish, I said. No, they said. Gives off the wrong vibe, they said. Not a marketable name, they said. 

I told them straight. Fuck vibes and marketing. What the fuck is wrong with some straight forward honesty in the world today? Tell it as it is. The Cackling Hyena School of Gibberish - does what it says on the tin. Ain't no dumb asshole gonna be able to come back and complain later right? Enroll at a school called the Cackling Hyena School of Gibberish, and you get exactly what you deserve.

But no. They didn't listen. And look where it got the three of us. Turns out that by calling the school an English School, the students actually expected us to teach them English. Dumb fucks! We can barely get through a sentence ourselves! We were doomed from the start, and now all we hear from our students is 'Refund, refund, refund!'. Who the fuck taught them that word?! I bet it was that dumb fuck son of mine. The one word we don't want them to know, and he goes and explains it in full. Dumb fuck!

Love, kisses, hugs and a rabid lick,

PP